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Obligatory app post, seriously. - Sooner or Later, God'll Cut You Down
Sooner or later, gotta cut you down.
Obligatory app post, seriously.
Character: Hidan
Series: Naruto
Character Age: Looks like he’s somewhere in his 20s, but is seemingly immortal
Job: “Religious Advisor”
Canon: If the common stereotype regarding ninja is that they are silent and stoic, perhaps starting their conversations off with a well placed “...” here or there, Hidan, a member of Akatsuki, a criminal group hellbent on world domination, likes to defy said stereotype by being the ninja that just *won’t shut up.* Hidan is a man of many faults; he’s obnoxious, cocky, impulsive, prone to complaining about anything and everything, as subtle as a brick, and a murderous psychopath to boot. Perhaps his greatest strength doubles as his most frustrating asset, as well; Hidan is a self-proclaimed immortal, capable of popping right back up after suffering seemingly mortal wounds. No matter what you do to him, he’ll just shrug it off and come back for more, as any proper irritating recurring villain should.

The one thing Hidan *does* seem to take seriously is his strict devotion to Jashin, a religion that commends slaughter and carnage above all else, with anything less than a kill being considered a sin. So seriously, in fact, that he quite often tends to get on the nerves of his fellow Akatsuki members as a result; his love of long, self-absorbed speeches and rituals before and after a fight, in particular, earn him many disparaging remarks from his comrades. In return, Hidan seems to loathe just about every other member of Akatsuki as well, considering them to be heathens who gang up on him for no good reason. But in the end, Hidan doesn’t care what anyone else thinks and likely never will; Jashin-sama’s on his side, and that’s what
really matters.

Note: One of Hidan’s biggest quirks in terms of his speech is his tendency to end sentences with the word “honto,” which is translated into English as “seriously.” Additionally, he is rather fond of slang in general, as words like “jeez” pepper his speech more often than not.

So. Before we start, I want to address the, ah, voice that yelled “MARRIED!” at me when I got here; real sweet of you to offer and all, but I’m gonna pass, seriously. Do you have any clue what Jashin’s marriage rituals are like? I mean, while one look at some of the kids here tells me we wouldn’t be lacking in the virgin sacrifice department, there just isn’t a decent altar for, like, miles around. Besides, how’re you going to do any of the sacrificing if you’re just a disembodied voice, huh? Marriage is about commitment, after all. And, really, like I need a wife; I’ve got enough people nagging me about every last thing I do without one, seriously.

Now, on to business. So here you kids are, stuck in a hellhole camp with no escape routes in sight. You’re being tempted to sin by huge apes and trees that don’t get the whole “personal space” concept, the place smells so bad that it’d take a miracle to ever get the stench out of your clothes, and that’s not even factoring in those green kids who just won’t die, seriously. Actually, I kinda like those guys. They remind me of me, except not as good-looking. Sounds like a real crisis of faith, right? So, what do you do? Sit around, pray to your god, and hope that everything’ll work out in the end, right?

Wrong. Jeez, how lame is that? People who think religion’s there to be some sort of feel-good pick-me-up or whatever are exactly the kind of people I can’t stand, seriously. But, hey, you’ve got options. Alternatives. See, I’m here before you today to tell you a little bit about Jashin, the only religion that matters, seriously. Actually, this place is practically tailor-made for Jashin; after all, total carnage and chaos is the key precept of our faith and this dump seems to be all about just that. Think about it; they give you those exploding stick things on entry, fill the place to the brim with things that’re out to kill you, and hell, they even name the place “Camp Fuck You Die,” which is a sentiment worth getting behind if I’ve ever heard one. There’s potential here, but it needs that one last push in the right direction. It needs someone who can take initiative, and y’know what? I’m the guy for the job. So stick with me and as long as you don’t bore me to death or anything and I’ll teach you how to slaughter your enemies like total pros so that you too can get that salvation you so desperately seek. After all, that’s pretty much my duty as a man of god, so --

-- ow! Fuck! Okay, who threw this knife? Yes, the one in my chest, smartass. Yeah, thanks, like my robes won’t be hard enough to clean without blood all over them. And jeez, look at this, you didn’t even throw it right. How do you expect to kill someone when you’re throwing knives like that, huh? See, this is exactly what I'm talking about right here; all the enthusiasm in the world and no damn skill when it comes to the execution.

... and what the hell are the rest of you people staring at? It’s only a flesh wound, seriously.

((And voting went here. 77.8%!))

Current Music: Allison Krauss - Down To The River To Pray

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